BlogEntryNo171

someone made a comment that it sounded a bit harsh. i wasnt aware of that. and i didnt intend it to be harsh. it wasnt suppose to sound that way and definately not one of my intentions to sound like im saying something to your face. i wasnt. 
im not the best person in expressing myself with words and all. most of the time it sounds like something else when im trying to say something else..many times i find myself stuck for lengthy hours trying to find the right words to express exactly how i feel but unfortunately, this just came out on the contrary...
so im really sorry if it sounded a bit harsh. but i wasnt trying to hit you back with a sledgehammer.

Hugs and kisses,
-Joanna, 11.27pm 

BlogEntryNo169

exams and committee plannings are still not enough to keep my mind from wondering back and forth across the world. im feeling a lil nostalgic today. no, it isnt a good thing. it's sadening me no thanks to all the songs.
its just one of those times again when i dont know how i feel or what i want to feel. ms. joanna's-heart-and-mind, you're confusing her again.
ahhhh...i've concluded that it's all due to the stress and lack of sleep.
thankyouu dear mr. bestfriend for treating me lunch. at least someone brighten my dayy.grr. so irritating day lahh...i tell you, thankgoodness i didnt bump into someone today. i know it's not very Christ-like but if i did, i would have exploded and ruptured like a valcano.

oh wells, off to studying again. exam tomoro...who puts exam on a saturday??!!

it's official that i so need to go unwind before carrying on with my week.

Hugs and kisses,
-Joanna, 12.30am

BlogEntryNo167

eh, you know what? i still feel very chicken

i really dont dare to challenge God and ask Him to prove something to me just for my own comfort and confidence. you know, sort of like those questions "if youre really exist, then I'll recieve a letter tomoro" type of questions.
in a way, its good that I feel chickened to dare him. its kinda rude to dare someone as big as him, dont you think?

but that's not just it. i know there is a reason why i dare not challenge him. i just gotta figure out what it is first. and it's definately not because he's mighty and challenging God isnt a good thing to do.

hmmm..wonder what's with this weird feeling and me when it comes to these things.

Hugs and kisses,
-Joanna, 2.06am

BlogEntryNo165
This love will see me thru..

I have so many things to say that I dont know where to start. So many verses that marvelled me, so many incidences that made me stand in awe before the Lord..

1 Peter 1:8-9
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
this one really hit the bulls eye.

It's been a tough week with all the reality and selfcheck questions that keep popping up from no where. It's been hard and scary for me. I was so afraid of loosing sight of God. It went from bad to worst till I wasnt really sure of my salvation at one point. Nevertheless, I realised that the devil is planning a scheme and I will not subject to it! He can make me doubt all he wants but I know the Lord's love surpasses all understanding. His grace and mercy has cleansed me and I have been saved. Every few moments, a doubt creeps into my mind and thankfully with a few prayers, Ive stood up and stood firm. I have been saved, I have Jesus as Lord, I am a child of the Most High King and I will always be! No one can take that away from me I am His and He is mine.

Speaking of love..I dont think anything is coincidence for I came across numerous verses that spoke directly to my heart and to give me assurance about assorted issues in my muddled up brain.

Genesis 18:31-32
.......He said,"For te sake of twenty, I will not destroy it." Then he said,"May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak just once more. What if only ten can be found there?" He answered,"For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it."

Exodus 14:13-14
Moses answered the people,"Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Exodus 3:11-12a
But Moses said to God,"Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and being the Israelites out of Egypt?" And God said,"I will be with you. And this whill be the sign to you that it is I who have sen you.....

Psalm 145:13b
The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving towards all he has made.

If I believe what is stated in the Bible, that He is coming back to bring us back to His glorious place, how can I not believe what is written? That He will never forsake me and He will do what He says?

coincidence that I came across all these verses? i think not.

For the first time in my life, I actually feel unworthy to look at Him even after believing the grace He gave me since the day i said yes to Him 8 years ago.
I remember Henry telling me his encounter with the Lord one night during cg. How magnificent it was to see a vision of God and that if I wanted to see the Lord, all I have to do is ask.
but i dare not. Im filled with fear at His greatness..I really would love to see at least a glimpse or a vision of Him, but really... im filled with a great deal of fear. It's been a week and a half since He told me this and I am yet to open my mouth to the Lord because im still as terrified standing in the presence of my Lord. The King of all Kings. His glory and His majesty....

Dear Lord,
Forgive my every weakness.
Forgive my short comings.
Forgive my desire to lead my own life and keeping you secondary.
Forgive me for doubting your promises.
Your love brings me to my knees once again.
I cannot comprehend the depths of Your love and why you were willing to do this for me.
There arent words to express how amazed and how much I owe it to you except I love you Lord.....
Im sorryy...i give up. I surrender.

Amen.

Hugs and kisses,
-Joanna, 1.19pm